Trauma, Attachment, & Desire

Early relationships shape how we come to know ourselves and others. When those relationships were marked by inconsistency, neglect, or harm, we may have learned to hide parts of ourselves to stay safe or connected. These early adaptations can later appear as anxiety in relationships, difficulty trusting, emotional numbing, or a chronic sense of aloneness—even when surrounded by others. Complex trauma often lives in the body as tension or vigilance, a readiness to protect against pain that once felt unbearable.

My approach to Trauma Work

The approach that I’ve found most effective for treating attachment wounding and complex trauma involves noticing and staying with my patients exactly where they are. At times this could mean providing, at your request, tools to help you cope and ground, or basic coaching around taking care of yourself. It also means paying attention to–and working together to adjust–how much emotional intensity you’re experiencing while exploring difficult or traumatic experiences. 

Many people are familiar with the Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) approach to this work. I’ve found that flexible somatic/body-oriented approaches rooted in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and mindfulness are also effective ways of working with trauma. I’ve also found that an understanding of “self-states” or “parts” rooted in self psychology and Internal Family Systems (IFS) help me orient myself to where my patients are at a given moment and what types of interventions might be most useful.

In the treatment of trauma, I’ve found that talking about whatever comes to your mind can mirror a narrative therapy approach in surprising and important ways, allowing individuals to separate their identity from the trauma they experienced and rewrite their life story over time in ways that emphasize their strengths and resilience.

Reintegration of Desire and Sexuality

I work with patients who are dealing with challenges related to some combination of sexual assault, emotional incest, physical abuse, and/or severe boundary violations from a person close to them. It’s not uncommon after experiences like these to have difficulty staying in touch with what you want, or even who you are. 

For many, the exploration of who we are and what we want are a central part of a rich and full life. In our work, we approach desire as something that can be rediscovered—not forced or prescribed. This might involve slowly rebuilding trust in your own impulses, sensations, and needs, and recognizing that they can be safe to feel and express. Over time, desire and intimacy can be experienced once again as sources of connection rather than threat.